Lumpectomy vs Mastectomy

After I got my new doctors I got a surgery date for my mastectomy two days later.  These doctors didn't waste any time!  My surgery is scheduled for Monday Oct 17th at the Virgina Piper Center.
 Because my cancer was caught in the early stages my medical recommendation was a lumpectomy with radiation & chemotherapy.  The only problem I had was that no one could tell me how much of my breast they were going to take? They would not know until surgery. Hmmm? What to do?

 My mother knows many women who have had lumpectomy and they are doing fine.  I on the other hand  know someone who had a lumpectomy same stage and grade as mine and four years later her cancer came back!  Hmmm? What to do?  Scary thing with cancer so many decisions to make, so many things to understand.

After while I was thinking...HOLY COW you need to be really SMART if you have cancer!  So of course I was scared to death!  So many things to understand!  What if I make the wrong decision?  What if I do the lumpectomy and they see more cancer and take the whole breast? What if I come out with half a breast?  I have a cyst in my other breast (which is very common) but what if I do the lumpectomy and there is more cancer hiding behind the cyst in the other breast?  The nurse said I had dense breast, which she also calls "busy breast!"  I can tell you my breast are NEVER BUSY!!!  Sad...but true:( 

 I had one doctor tell me to stay off the Internet and another doctor told to get on the Internet.  So being defiant in nature what did I do?...I got on the Internet!  I'm glad I did!  I looked up a lot info on my type of cancer, I checked out blogs about other women with cancer and their stories!  After looking at all the info and hearing all the stories I decided to go with a Bilateral Mastectomy and was very confident in my decision. 

  I wanted the CANCER OUT and I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!  

 My doctors did say this is a very personal decision...and they were right.  It's your body and you have to live with your decision.  I am a worrier by nature so I know if I did do the lumpectomy I would worry before surgery, after, and always worry is it in my other breast.  So my decision is the right one for ME!  I say this now and hopefully I will feel the same way later!!!!

Emotionally this has been very up and down, good days & bad days..able to cry at the drop of a hat!  The first two weeks were rough, but later it was more the waiting game & the not knowing.  I started thinking everything had cancer in it...from water bottles to that new carpet smell and you know we have been walking on carpet since we were babies!  A person can make themselves CRAZY!  

 When I found out I had breast cancer it was a month before October "Breast Cancer Month."  So every commercial was about CANCER, so still being in denial was pretty difficult.  I was like REALLY?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME ANOTHER COMMERCIAL!   I was going to have to face the fact that I really had CANCER.  So how have I handled it...I JOKED ABOUT IT.  How else could you deal with it? 

 I thought about when I would go into a store and the clerk is crabby and mean, can I now play the cancer card? and say...ARE YOU HAVING A BAD DAY? ...REALLY CAUSE I HAVE CANCER!!!!  I would never say that (cause you never know what they are dealing with,) but we did have a good laugh!

 So I told my family if anyone gives them a hard time they can use the CANCER CARD! 

I was watching a reality show (Downsized) one evening about this family and their life going through financial crisis.   The mother of this show has Multiple Sclerosis and she started to cry because she had a hard time facing the fact that she had the disease.  I just started to bawl!  Thinking I can't believe I am feeling sorry for myself!  My father has lost his mother, sister and now his brother has Multiple Sclerosis and they don't have a cure for it!  I know they don't have a cure for cancer, but it you catch it early it is very treatable.  Multiple Sclerosis is not curable. 

 Talk about keeping things in perspective!