First Dr. appointment with Surgeon

My post visit to my surgeon was a week and half after surgery.  I woke up that morning starting my day off with a bad hair day while carrying my extra bulbs of drains, so as women we all know how the rest of the day was going to go...!!!

The nurse had me take off me shirt with my breast less chest with stitches showing to anyone who wanted to see, which seemed like a forever. 

My daughter & Kelley (and only her 8 month old, and granddaughter was at preschool) was in the room and I was not nuts about my daughter seeing her mother with all the stitches and no nipples.  But then I thought NO,...maybe she should see this so she will be diligent about her monthly check ups. 

The longer the nurse had me without a cover, then it happened...the TEARS started to flow!!!   I had my first real uncontrollable breakdown!!!  You think that this stuff does not bother you, but then real emotion comes out when you least expect it! 

As a mother we want to protect our children from any pain that we may have, but this one was difficult!  And I thought I was doing my best to hold it in. 

I love my children and grand baby girls and nieces and know that hopefully through all this they will be diligent on all of their checkups and getting their mammograms 

Surgery

It was the day before my surgery, and I was a crabby mess!  I was never worried about my surgery, but until it became closer to my date.  I worried I should have all my laundry done, house clean and all the things I could not think of done? 

Thinking maybe I should take a xanax to calm my nerves, so my heart rate did not go up and I could still have my surgery. But I thought the anesthesia Dr will load me up with my sleepy drug and then I would not wake because I took a xanax, so I thought It was best not to take it. 

 Don't get me wrong, the xanax was ordered by my regular dr cause I told him I was feeling a little anxious lately, thinking he would have my female hormones checked because I'm almost 50, no he gave me xanax instead....and I thought what the heck, you never know when I'll need those?  How can you say no to that?!!!  So next time I feel anxious and maybe a hotflash, I at least know my xanax will get me through it! (joke)

I had to arrive very early on the day of my surgery.  The nurses had to give me some kind of nuclear drug shot straight into my breast...ouch!  It would show if any lymph nodes had any cancer in them, and then they would glow.  I was hoping the nuclear stuff was not my kryptonite!

My surgery was about 5-6 hours.  My breast cancer doctor Linda lui took care of getting all the cancer and breast tissue out and then Dr#2 my plastic surgeon  Dr.Anthony Admire took over and finished up.  He inserted my expander's

in both breast, getting my body ready for implants (my new Ta tas.)  I also had to wear two drains, one for each breast to prevent infection. This part was not so fun, actually I can't think of any part of this I could say was fun, except for calling my breasts...Ta tas:)

After surgery sleeping was very uncomfortable with  the drains, plus the doctors would like you to sleep in an upright positions.  So my best advise for anyone having surgery and having to sleep in an upright position is to get one of these nursing pillows and use it around your neck!



This show cracks me up!



I only stayed in the hospital for one night, I could have stayed one more night, because who doesn't love to be waited on?  I have 4 nurses in my family and I count my mother as one because she took care of all 6 of her kids and that should deserve a nursing credit.  I would have taken any of these family members for the evening!  But there are nurses who love their jobs and nurses you can tell its their passion. 

Well the nurse I had for the evening it was just a job to her or maybe just a busy evening?   I could not wait for my morning nurses....they were a breath of fresh air!

Oh...one more thing I was hoping during my surgery I would get a chance to talk to God, come back and tell everyone my story, write a book and make my millions!  The only problem is I can't remember a thing!!!!

Lumpectomy vs Mastectomy

After I got my new doctors I got a surgery date for my mastectomy two days later.  These doctors didn't waste any time!  My surgery is scheduled for Monday Oct 17th at the Virgina Piper Center.
 Because my cancer was caught in the early stages my medical recommendation was a lumpectomy with radiation & chemotherapy.  The only problem I had was that no one could tell me how much of my breast they were going to take? They would not know until surgery. Hmmm? What to do?

 My mother knows many women who have had lumpectomy and they are doing fine.  I on the other hand  know someone who had a lumpectomy same stage and grade as mine and four years later her cancer came back!  Hmmm? What to do?  Scary thing with cancer so many decisions to make, so many things to understand.

After while I was thinking...HOLY COW you need to be really SMART if you have cancer!  So of course I was scared to death!  So many things to understand!  What if I make the wrong decision?  What if I do the lumpectomy and they see more cancer and take the whole breast? What if I come out with half a breast?  I have a cyst in my other breast (which is very common) but what if I do the lumpectomy and there is more cancer hiding behind the cyst in the other breast?  The nurse said I had dense breast, which she also calls "busy breast!"  I can tell you my breast are NEVER BUSY!!!  Sad...but true:( 

 I had one doctor tell me to stay off the Internet and another doctor told to get on the Internet.  So being defiant in nature what did I do?...I got on the Internet!  I'm glad I did!  I looked up a lot info on my type of cancer, I checked out blogs about other women with cancer and their stories!  After looking at all the info and hearing all the stories I decided to go with a Bilateral Mastectomy and was very confident in my decision. 

  I wanted the CANCER OUT and I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!  

 My doctors did say this is a very personal decision...and they were right.  It's your body and you have to live with your decision.  I am a worrier by nature so I know if I did do the lumpectomy I would worry before surgery, after, and always worry is it in my other breast.  So my decision is the right one for ME!  I say this now and hopefully I will feel the same way later!!!!

Emotionally this has been very up and down, good days & bad days..able to cry at the drop of a hat!  The first two weeks were rough, but later it was more the waiting game & the not knowing.  I started thinking everything had cancer in it...from water bottles to that new carpet smell and you know we have been walking on carpet since we were babies!  A person can make themselves CRAZY!  

 When I found out I had breast cancer it was a month before October "Breast Cancer Month."  So every commercial was about CANCER, so still being in denial was pretty difficult.  I was like REALLY?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME ANOTHER COMMERCIAL!   I was going to have to face the fact that I really had CANCER.  So how have I handled it...I JOKED ABOUT IT.  How else could you deal with it? 

 I thought about when I would go into a store and the clerk is crabby and mean, can I now play the cancer card? and say...ARE YOU HAVING A BAD DAY? ...REALLY CAUSE I HAVE CANCER!!!!  I would never say that (cause you never know what they are dealing with,) but we did have a good laugh!

 So I told my family if anyone gives them a hard time they can use the CANCER CARD! 

I was watching a reality show (Downsized) one evening about this family and their life going through financial crisis.   The mother of this show has Multiple Sclerosis and she started to cry because she had a hard time facing the fact that she had the disease.  I just started to bawl!  Thinking I can't believe I am feeling sorry for myself!  My father has lost his mother, sister and now his brother has Multiple Sclerosis and they don't have a cure for it!  I know they don't have a cure for cancer, but it you catch it early it is very treatable.  Multiple Sclerosis is not curable. 

 Talk about keeping things in perspective!

Choosing doctors



I was told I had stage 1 grade 2 breast cancer and I caught it early!  Still numb from the news!  I have no family that I knew of that ever had breast cancer, then my mother told me I had a great aunt on her fathers side of the family who had breast cancer.  From what I understand you don't have to have a family history of breast cancer.

  My mother had colonrectal cancer and thank God she is cancer free.  My grandfather has Prostate & Bone cancer right now, so I do have a history of cancer in my family.

My doctor said my next step was to get a surgeon and an oncologist.  So he gave me some referrals and here is how my doctors appointment went...

 My stomach was in knots when I went to see my surgeon. I walked in the waiting room and it was packed with people and the room was old and smelly, probably because someone was cooking their lunch in the back room!  Then they called my name and waited for my doctor to come in and in walks my doctor from Pakistan who I could barely understand.  Don't get me wrong I am not prejudice, I just need to understand his English and I don't want him to smell like LUNCH!!!   I mean c'mon... if he is going to have a knife in his hand I think I should at least like him!!!!  

 My sister is married to a Dentist and she always used to tell me first impression are huge in business and I totally agree so I wasn't really liking this doctor before I even met him.  I wanted a doctor that has OCD, a compulsive disorder (but, in this case it would not be a disorder) for perfection if he was going to work on my body, so I kinda felt if he did not care about what the office looked like and what the employees were doing then, was he going to care about me?   By the way my Oncologist is from Pakistan and I do like him and I can understand him! 

 I got another referral for a surgeon #2.  This one was better, nice front office, nice employees and he was really nice.  A chubby Italian and funny too. The surgeon reminded me of Joey from friends (by the way best show ever,) he was wearing a thick gold chain and the thought of this doctor standing for hours, kinda made me nervous. If you could say in an Italian accent "you want boobs?  I'll give you boobs!"  That's the kinda of doctor he reminded me of.  My surgeon gave me a referral for a plastic surgeon, and I asked him if he was on my insurance and he told me not to worry about it?  Red flag?  Oh...forgot to add he was a teaching surgeon (which made me feel good) and had two assistant while I was there so I got the added bonus of not only showing my ta tas to him, but to his two students as well. Which I thought was kinda tacky for a first time meeting!  

 At this point I had decided to do a bilateral mastectomy  I will go more into that later.  So onto the plastic surgeon I was referred to.  He was nice, but the thing that bothered me the most was that he had been doing this for ten years, but he had no pictures to show me?  Are you kidding me? (red flag!)  During this time the surgeon and plastic surgeon needed to coordinate their schedules for surgery. 

 Thank goodness they were taking a while because I was not comfortable with either one!   So I was taking things into my own hands and not going off of the referrals from my doctor.  First I had to make sure who ever I chose they were on my Insurance!  The referrals I was getting were close to my home and I decided I did not care where they worked as long as they were good, because this would be a decision I would have to live with FOREVER! 

 I Found a" best in the nation"  plastic surgeon ( Dr.Anthony Admire) and he had PICTURES and he filled my desire for a perfectionist or OCD doctor...I hope! And he was very involved in the breast cancer community and that was reassuring to me that he at least had some compassion! 

 Next I found a Oncology breast surgeon (Dr. Linda Lui) that did work with my plastic surgeon and is well known in the breast cancer community.  So I know I am in good hands!  They are a little drive for me, but I decided its important that I liked my doctors and know they will take good care of me!

  So for those of you diagnosed with breast cancer after you see your regular doctor... you will need 2-3 more doctors: an Oncologist, a Surgeon and a possible Plastic Surgeon.


 

You want boobs?  I'll give you boobs!

 


Friends-Best show ever!















Best day ever!

I will be playing catch up about all the cancer stuff.  But, first I wanted to share with you what happened today.  I received a call from my 93 year old grandfather from Colorado.  I have not talked with my grandfather in a long time!  He called to wish me well on my up coming cancer surgery.  I felt like I was sixteen again or maybe five?  As soon as I saw the caller Id on the phone I could not believe it was my grandfather, when I picked up the phone you could hardly understand me saying hello behind my tears!!!  My grandparents were married 75 years, until this past year when my grandmother past away.  My grandfather cared for her, in her last years after her stroke.  My grandmother was the same age as my grandfather and the most talented women next to my mother when it came to crafts, china painting, knitting, beading etc...you name she could make it!   My grandfather sounded so good and was cracking jokes.  He has been battling Prostate cancer and was told he has about three years and he is in the half way mark and he decided this past August to go off his meds because he said ...why am I paying $1000.00 a month for this?  He expressed that he is ready to go...he misses Irma (grandma), which I totally understand!!!!!   When you don't talk to someone for a long time....the GUILT TAKES OVER!!!  I love my grandpa and have wonderful memories with my grandparents!! 

 Note to self...when I am old & gray, I will never be to old to call my grandchildren and tell them how much they mean to me!!!   A DAY I WILL NEVER FORGET!  love you grandpa, you made my DAY!!!!!!!!
Susie

The Beginning



Comedian Jack Black (Did you know men can get breast cancer too?)

 It ain't all about the Ta Ta's is about things that I love...cooking, crafting, decorating, my grand babies, but right now because I'm going through breast cancer it will be a lot about that and hopefully I will squeeze in a few of other things!

If my high school English teacher could see me now...or maybe not?  My creative writing blog will probably have punctuation mistakes for sure and it might even ramble a lot, but that's who I am!  So here I go...

August 30th was the day I found out I had Breast Cancer.  This is how it all started.

I knew something was not right when I would lay down on my left side and could not get comfortable.  I blew it off thinking it was close to that "time of the month", well that time of the month came & went. And it was still painful to lay on my left side?  I could not feel any lumps, and I could not remember bumping or hurting my breast. so I thought this was just female related, thinking maybe a plugged milk duct?  But the last time I had that was 23 years ago when I was... BREAST FEEDING! 
 So I went to see my doctor and he could not feel anything?  So he sent me for a mammogram and an ultra sound.  So I did the boob smashing machine (that was fun!) and then onto the ultra sound and I saw the dark spot on my left breast and then the technician did the right breast and she started to measure, then I felt a tear and later found out that  was the breast with just a cyst and nothing to worry about.  When she was done she said the doctor would be in to discuss the ultra sound results.  At this time I did not worry yet, I think because of denial? 

 The doctor came in and we did the ultra sound again and when he did the left breast he said...yep this has got to come out! 
He was from France and had a very strong french accent and I already was thinking about Paris.  His voice was very soothing or maybe it was the accent I loved, so I was not thinking about CANCER.   The doctor said we need to do a biopsy and he was 98% sure it was cancer. Little did I know what I was in for.

Wishing now all my doctors were FRENCH, the news was easier to take.

Susie